Years have passed by, and I am in a haze, wondering what series of events led me here? I’ve lost myself in the search.. not knowing what I’m searching for.
Fulfillment, I suppose.
Are they happy? At peace? Do they find fulfillment in their life?
I know she does. I’m so proud of her. She rose from the depths of depression and now lives her life the way she wants to live. Pursuing creative passions. Simple needs and wants. Letting life flow through her, and enjoying the ride.
I aspire to be like my siblings and it is not too late to start. I may be lost but that’s not necessarily a bad thing.
I read something today that hit me a differently. Although I can’t remember how it was said exactly, it was something like this:
A hobby is something you enjoy doing, not necessarily something you are good at.
Sometimes I am embarrassed to write, to share, to post, to do.. anything. I think, what good do I have to contribute. What could I possibly say that people would want to hear?
To get better at writing, write.
To get better at instruments, play.
To get better at language, speak.
To get better at drawing, draw.
To have a better health, exercise, eat healthy.
To have better relationships, reach out, give, share, be kind, and generous.
To have a better life, shape it one day at a time.
Opening a page from an old book, I’m surprised to see how full of optimism and hope I had a year ago. I had the desire and inspiration. We were mere babies a year ago!
Here I am- feeling warmth from the holiday lights, and the seeping cold of the heart.
Where did this bitterness come from. Why do I so often feel helpless and stuck. Short fused.
I’m doing all the same things, but lost the color.
I try to better others. Am I considering myself? Time for some humility.
As an introvert, a lot of things tend to be a solo venture for me.
This summer has been a roller coaster, for the first time, with plans stacking back to back on weekend.
I’ve made a few new friends and rekindled with a few old ones. In the meanwhile, also maintaining family relationships.
In the calm after the madness, I am thankful for the energy of life and feel fortunate to be in this world today. My thirties is kicking off to a good start. I am pleased to give myself the space to be imperfect and give space to take care of my needs mentally and emotionally. I am feeling stability and enjoying company of deepened relationships of family and friends.
My parents were young and don’t have much to their name, yet faced a world of struggles headstrong. In 1990, they escaped Vietnam in search to be in a better place, and I was born in a Filipino refugee camp. I don’t remember what it was like, but every Vietnamese aunt and uncle who were at that camp knew me. Being one of two babies born in that refugee group, I was somewhat a baby celebrity. Everyone in the refugee community have helped raised me.
My parents were often out and busy making a living, so I had a lot of time to myself. I entertained myself with lots of imaginary friends along with solo hobbies, namely writing and reading. I listened to CDs and watched DVDs.
They also took the time to play with me as well. We were close with the refugee community and often went to live music and weekend trips to the beach together. On weekends, we attended the meditation group. I never appreciated the value in this, though, now looking back this is a short period of solace. I sat with them, but I was in my own world, free from the deeper worries.
Having grown up with a life where internet was not accessible, I recognize the value of moderation. Everything is a lot more accessible now and thus, the importance of focus in the world of over stimulation. Sometimes, it takes a second to realize that I’m stuck in a flow. It helps to remember how to get unstuck is by going back to the basics – what I did when I was little. Motivation, sense of purpose, and being inspired by so many things. Time and space to pursue interests like reading, music, travel, garden, language learning, arts and crafts.
Do I remember remember what life was like before the internet? I’d say yes, and I appreciate having seen both worlds and what each world can do for me. In this, I am grateful.
A simple answer for the day. I have had my share of indecisiveness and commitment issues. I felt my strengths and weaknesses over the years and I appreciate every opportunity in my life.
IT Support
nail technician
Olive Garden server
English ESL teacher for adults at a language school
English TEFL teacher for children online
immigration paralegal
Vietnamese interpreter
business development nonprofit
Chevrolet car salesperson
project manager
I fancy being a small business owner or online shop owner next. What do you think?
Life is too short to stick to one job. Why not try 10.
Immediate progress excites me. I like collecting skills and hobbies, but never deep into the world.
I love the starting and the doing, unfortunately without my much mindfulness into what I’m doing. Spark fizzles out. This is why I’m scared of committing fully into things. For the longest time I have been insecure about what I’m good at.
What, then, am I good at?
Exactly at what I’m not good at. Starting things. My impulsive tendencies gets me to commit myself and is my way of doing things where I would not otherwise. Because I am the way I am:
6 month Study Abroad
6 month solo travel in SEA
3 month USA roadtrip with Cuong
3 month Central America trip with Cuong
Lived in NYC with Cuong
Worked as English teacher, Vietnamese interpreter, car salesman, project management, and learned a lot in each world
Multiple Europe backpacking trips with Tam and Cuong
Lived in Atlanta
Of course, there is room for improvement, delve deeper. Master of some.
It is incredible to see how time has flown. My first embroidery gifted to my mom for her birthday. I started this project Fall of 2023. It is finally completed Spring of 2024.
When looking at the picture I feel that I can always go home, because my mom will be there.
As time passes, I think of how many more days will I get to come back to visit my mom. How many days have I prioritized coming home. These are little reminders that tell me that home is where my loved ones are. I will be home again soon. One day soon.
