It is incredible to see how time has flown. My first embroidery gifted to my mom for her birthday. I started this project Fall of 2023. It is finally completed Spring of 2024.
When looking at the picture I feel that I can always go home, because my mom will be there.
As time passes, I think of how many more days will I get to come back to visit my mom. How many days have I prioritized coming home. These are little reminders that tell me that home is where my loved ones are. I will be home again soon. One day soon.
progress is progress no matter how small no matter how slow
Feeling stuck these days. I’m always thankful to in the presence of my husband, family, and friends. Now, I am giving myself space to breathe and feel like myself again.
Here is a progress pic of embroidery I started in 2023, working it’s way to completion slowly.
As a big milestone birthday is coming up, I went back and forth on what to do, what to do.
I wanted it to be something special that I can remember, so my last few years’ birthdays of staying at home and having a picnic in the backyard was out. Though, that was very enticing and almost won!
Should I go big and celebrate at the historic resort? Or rent a nice Airbnb and go downtown? As I was wandering around the internet for awhile, I found this beautiful cabin near Asheville.
The listing caught my eye instantly, for its rustic wooden cabin color. I was drawn to the bunk beds set up hosting up to 7 guests and pets welcome! We were considering boarding Mai, our family dog, for the weekend. I was so excited that Mai was able to join the festivities.
The more I read, the more I was excited. Clicked to book.
Too soon. My stomach dropped as I looked closer at the pictures. The cabin was open on one side (no fourth well). Ah! In the middle of March, I was worried of the cold for my family, especially my mom, who is very adverse to cold.
I made sure to warn everyone in advance that it will be cold, so they will pack extra layers.
The day comes and it was beautiful weather. We split into two groups: my siblings with Mai were to go first. Cuong and my mom came later so that he can help drive the car later when my mom finishes working.
The cabin was a short drive 30 minutes Asheville, and about a 1h 15m drive from our house. Not bad at all. We arrived in the afternoon, and as we’re pulling up, the streets were looking aesthetically very Ghibli. Houses had lots of flowering trees.
As we arrived, we let Mai out and she immediately roamed the perimeters. The rest of us explored the cabin’s contents. We assigned beds and checked out the kitchen as well. We had a propane stove, kitchenware, tubs, firestarting kits, seasonings. Surpassed our expectations!
After a bit of rest, we decided to go look for the waterfall to toss our dog into. The hike up was very beatiful. It was very green and lush. We hiked in flip flops and crocs because we weren’t expecting to hike. The way to the top was short. My siblings played lovely offline lofi and nostalgic soft music while hiking which made for a lovely mood.
Back at the cabin, Tam and Thanh volunteered to gather wood. They took the van up the mountain again where we saw big logs while walking the path earlier. Despite worrying for their ability to drive up the narrow road, I calmed my nerves to remind that they’re both adults now!
Thien and I stayed behind to start the fire and search for spring water. Thien worked on gathering small fuels, firestarters, and shaping up our fire. He also stopped to help me carry buckets of water from the spring nearby for our drinking and dishwashing later on. It was a simple life like no other.
A few moments later, I see the van coming down the mountain with the backdoor open and Thanh calling out to us as she sits hanging on the side. They gathered a floor’s load of wood! With additional wood, Thien was way more than equipped to start the fire. The fire started instantly.
With the fire started, Thien tended to the fire, while the rest of us prepped for dinner to be cooked on the fire. Our signature camping food “pig slop” includes fire roasted potatoes, corn, tomatoes, onion, mayo and seasonings. As soon as we saw coals red, we tossed the potatoes in there for about 40 minutes.
Memories: Late night poetry – finance talk – Next day Ramen, leftovers – Fire, more smores, hotdogs, Winthien’s wolf spider coming back to the same spot and getting caught, fire/string lights aesthetic, hotdog, ramen, Mai gets to eat nice too! – Mai cruising around like she owns the place.
Undoubtably, despite the initial uncertainties, this glamping trip became an unforgettable birthday celebration filled with laughter, fireside stories, and the simple joy of being together in the mountains. Most importantly, I am spending time and being together with my favorite people .
Letting go of the unreasonable expectations Letting go of the pressure throbbing in my brain Enough of the days and weeks ruminating and stressing Enough of being judged by standards that I have no say in Moving on from the people I should be pleasing Moving on from the system that I should be fitting in
Shed the layer of 20s Rebirth in the 30s A new era, a new Me
In reading the Art of Happiness, I am more focused on prioritizing my appreciation, contentment and joyfulness. I am meditating, and am grateful for every day. The Art of Happiness is to pursue activities that lead to wholesome living, and avoid activities that lead to suffering. What activities may this be and how do we move on from where we are to be renewed?
Thank you to Gerry C and Sue W for hosting the weekly challenge: Moving On
With the passing Lunar New Year, it is a good time as any to write a reflections post.
The last year has been particular hard as I have started a new job. My job has given me more opportunities that I have ever had. I experienced new freedoms and finally had what I had always dreamed of having: traveling :). I had enjoyed multiple business trips all expense paid for, day and night difference from my usual budget travels. Because I was so busy and enamored with this new job, I did not expect the fall that was about to happen. On the flip dark side, I have also encountered (emotional) challenges that shattered my core. I realized that my faith and value in myself is only as good as the words that I hear. I cried, ruminated, complained, meditated, journaled, confided, complained, and rode the roller coaster. I fought and came to terms with bitter unfairness of corporate life.
Time cures all pain, though even as I write this post, I struggle to avoid rumination.
The golden nugget I took out of this is the following advice from my mom: I can tell work how I feel, and it’s their problem if they listen or not. Then, I need to do my job the best that I can do. I am true to myself and this is who they hired. If I want to keep my soul whole, I need to detatch myself from the source of this toxicity. The four agreements, it is not my problem if they don’t agree with me; I will not take it personally. I learned that I can work on standing strong with confidence in myself. The value in myself cannot be affected by others if I am confident in myself.
I am embarrassed that I have let an outside force. However, I’m grateful that I have people around me who helped in different ways. I’m grateful for my mom, husband, and siblings for talking me through my unstable emotions. I am also grateful for my work colleagues who helped me. It made me feel that I am surrounded by people who will take care of me.
I am not working in an ideal work environment, which is stressful in itself. I am curious how this will pan out in the next few months. All I know is that I will live with integrity, and make my mom proud!
This is a bit sad for a reflections post and I am hesitant to share, but I think sad reflections are even more meaningful. It proves that life is full of ups and downs. Getting through hardship brings out wisdom and growth in life.
As they say, suffering stems from Expectations, and with a bit of time and reflection, there is no better wake up call to reorient what’s important to me.
The Four Agreements is a philosophical self-improvement book that was recommended by my husband years ago before we were married. It intruiged me as he said this book has helped shape his life, and he had reread it several times.
I took his advice and read it for the first time years ago, then a couple more times. It has changed me in a simple yet fundamental way. Read my first review here.
Who should read this book?
I have always battled my inner self, and I am most often my biggest enemy. This book helped me take control and responsibilities of how I feel and act. It brought me a bit of peace in this crazy, crazy world. I recommend this book to anyone who feels they are suffering from external forces such as the need to compare with others, the feeling of injustice, or working with difficult people and situations in their lives.
Summy and Notes
The Four Agreements 1) Be impeccable with your word – make sure the word that comes out of me do not hurt me in the long run. 2) Don’t take anything personally – It is not about myself. It is about them. 3) Don’t make assumptions 4) Always do your best
I am drawn to certain concepts than others depending on the challenges I’m facing at the time. In this particular reread, I was deeply changed by the introduction and the first two agreements. Everyone is affected by the How my opinion changed, how book affected me
My Favorite Quotes
I used Clippings to get all my highlights in one place on the computer. Below is a collection of my favorite quotes from the book:
Light is Life, We are Life
“Everything is made of light,” he said, “and the space in-between isn’t empty.” And he knew that everything that exists is one living being, and that light is the messenger of life, because it is alive and contains all information.
He saw that Life mixed the tonal and the nagual in different ways to create billions of manifestations of Life. “It is true. I am God. But you are also God. We are the same, you and I. We are images of light.
Everyone is Dreaming, Humans are Taught to dream the way society Dreams.
“Everyone is a mirror,” he said. He saw himself in everyone, but nobody saw him as themselves. And he realized that everyone was dreaming, but without awareness, without knowing what they really are.
We are born with the capacity to learn how to dream, and the humans who live before us teach us how to dream the way society dreams.
Attention is the ability we have to discriminate and to focus only on that which we want to perceive. We can perceive millions of things simultaneously, but using our attention, we can hold whatever we want to perceive in the foreground of our mind. The adults around us hooked our attention and put information into our minds through repetition. That is the way we learned everything we know.
We also learn to hook the attention of other humans, and we develop a need for attention which can become very competitive. Children compete for the attention of their parents, their teachers, their friends. “Look at me! Look at what I’m doing! Hey, I’m here.” The need for attention becomes very strong and continues into adulthood.
Language is the code for understanding and communication between humans. Every letter, every word in each language is an agreement.
In human domestication, the information from the outside dream is conveyed to the inside dream, creating our whole belief system. First the child is taught the names of things: Mom, Dad, milk, bottle. Day by day, at home, at school, at church, and from television, we are told how to live, what kind of behavior is acceptable. The outside dream teaches us how to be a human. We have a whole concept of what a “woman” is and what a “man” is. And we also learn to judge: We judge ourselves, judge other people, judge the neighbors.
Life is a system of dreams put upon you by the larger society without a choice – domestication of humans: Agreement
The reward is the attention that we got from our parents or from other people like siblings, teachers, and friends. We soon develop a need to hook other people’s attention in order to get the reward.
We became afraid of being punished and also afraid of not receiving the reward. The reward is the attention that we got from our parents or from other people like siblings, teachers, and friends. We soon develop a need to hook other people’s attention in order to get the reward.
We try to please Mom and Dad, we try to please the teachers at school, we try to please the church, and so we start acting. We pretend to be what we are not because we are afraid of being rejected.
The human is the only animal on earth that pays a thousand times for the same mistake. The rest of the animals pay once for every mistake they make. But not us. We have a powerful memory.We make a mistake, we judge ourselves, we find ourselves guilty, and we punish ourselves. If justice exists, then that was enough; we don’t need to do it again. But every time we remember, we judge ourselves again, we are guilty again, and we punish ourselves again, and again, and again. If we have a wife or husband he or she also reminds us of the mistake, so we can judge ourselves again, punish ourselves again, and find ourselves guilty again. Is this fair?
If we look at human society we see a place so difficult to live in because it is ruled by fear.
Whenever we feel the emotions of anger, jealousy, envy, or hate, we experience a fire burning within us. We are living in a dream of hell.
Mitote: Mind Fog from Societal Dreaming
We search for beauty because it doesn’t matter how beautiful a person is, we don’t believe that person has beauty. We keep searching and searching, when everything is already within us. There is no truth to find. Wherever we turn our heads, all we see is the truth, but with the agreements and beliefs we have stored in our mind, we have no eyes for this truth.
We don’t see the truth because we are blind. What blinds us are all those false beliefs we have in our mind. We have the need to be right and to make others wrong. We trust what we believe, and our beliefs set us up for suffering.
Death is not the biggest fear we have; our biggest fear is taking the risk to be alive — the risk to be alive and express what we really are.
The Judge, The Victim of our Minds
We judge others according to our image of perfection as well, and naturally they fall short of our expectations.
Nobody abuses us more than we abuse ourselves, and it is the Judge, the Victim, and the belief system that make us do this.
If we make a mistake in front of people, we try to deny the mistake and cover it up. But as soon as we are alone, the Judge becomes so strong, the guilt is so strong, and we feel so stupid, or so bad, or so unworthy.
One single agreement is not such a problem, but we have many agreements that make us suffer, that make us fail in life. If you want to live a life of joy and fulfillment, you have to find the courage to break those agreements that are fear-based and claim your personal power. The agreements that come from fear require us to expend a lot of energy, but the agreements that come from love help us to conserve energy and even gain extra energy.
Our personal power is dissipated by all the agreements we have created, and the result is that we feel powerless.
When we are finally ready to change our agreements, there are four very powerful agreements that will help us to break those agreements that come from fear and deplete our energy.
Be Impeccable With Your Word
Being impeccable with your word is the correct use of your energy; it means to use your energy in the direction of truth and love for yourself. We misuse the word so often, and this misuse is how we create and perpetuate the dream of hell.
Over time this interaction has become the worst form of black magic, and we call it gossip.
Think back to a time when you or someone you know was angry with someone else and desired revenge. In order to seek revenge you said something to or about that person with the intention of spreading poison and making that person feel bad about him-or herself.
Think back to a time when you or someone you know was angry with someone else and desired revenge. In order to seek revenge you said something to or about that person with the intention of spreading poison and making that person feel bad about him-or herself. As children we do this quite thoughtlessly, but as we grow older we become much more calculated in our efforts to bring other people down. Then we lie to ourselves and say that person received a just punishment for their wrongdoing.
You will only receive a negative idea if your mind is fertile ground for that idea.
Don’t take things personally
All people live in their own dream, in their own mind; they are in a completely different world from the one we live in. When we take something personally, we make the assumption that they know what is in our world, and we try to impose our world on their world.
Even when a situation seems so personal, even if others insult you directly, it has nothing to do with you. What they say, what they do, and the opinions they give are according to the agreements they have in their own minds. Their point of view comes from all the programming they received during domestication.
“You look so fat,” don’t take it personally, because the truth is that this person is dealing with his or her own feelings, beliefs, and opinions. That person tried to send poison to you and if you take it personally, then you take that poison and it becomes yours.
You may even tell me, “Miguel, what you are saying is hurting me.” But it is not what I am saying that is hurting you; it is that you have wounds that I touch by what I have said. You are hurting yourself. There is no way that I can take this personally. Not because I don’t believe in you or don’t trust you, but because I know that you see the world with different eyes, with your eyes.
If you get mad at me, I know you are dealing with yourself. I am the excuse for you to get mad.
Even the opinions you have about yourself are not necessarily true;
If someone is not treating you with love and respect, it is a gift if they walk away from you.
There is a huge amount of freedom that comes to you when you take nothing personally. You become immune to black magicians, and no spell can affect you regardless of how strong it may be. The whole world can gossip about you, and if you don’t take it personally you are immune.
Then you can be in the middle of hell and still experience inner peace and happiness. You can stay in your state of bliss, and hell will not affect you at all.
Don’t Make Assumptions
We don’t need to justify love; it is there or not there. Real love is accepting other people the way they are without trying to change them. If we try to change them, this means we don’t really like them.
If others feel they have to change you, that means they really don’t love you just the way you are.
A white magician uses the word for creation, giving, sharing, and loving.
Mastery of intent, the mastery of the spirit, the mastery of love, the mastery of gratitude, and the mastery of life.
Always do your best
Routine habits are too strong and firmly rooted in your mind. But you can do your best.
By doing your best, the habits of misusing your word, taking things personally, and making assumptions will become weaker and less frequent with.
Sometimes that little child comes out when you are having fun or playing, when you feel happy, when you are painting, or writing poetry, or playing the piano, or expressing yourself in some way.
Closing Notes
The freedom we are looking for is the freedom to be ourselves, to express ourselves. But if we look at our lives we will see that most of the time we do things just to please others, just to be accepted by others, rather than living our lives to please ourselves.
To be Toltec is a way of life. It is a way of life where there are no leaders and no followers, where you have your own truth and live your own truth.
If we look at the description of a parasite, we find that a parasite is a living being who lives off of other living beings, sucking their energy without any useful contribution in return, and hurting their host little by little. The Judge, the Victim, and the belief system fit this description very well. Together they comprise a living being made of psychic or emotional energy, and that energy is alive.
The Toltecs believe that the parasite — the Judge, the Victim, and the belief system — has control of your mind; it controls your personal dream. The parasite dreams through your mind and lives its life through your body. It survives on the emotions that come from fear, and thrives on drama and suffering.
My husband and I decided to take a Europe trip to visit my sister while she was studying abroad in Ireland. It was especially exciting because it would be my husband’s first time in Europe. It was great timing because I was in a rough patch emotionally and physically – feeling stuck and overwhelmed with work and life. Without completely intending this, I was able to experience a lot in Euope that refreshed my mind and soul.
Ireland holds a special place in my heart as I have always felt connected to Ireland. Maybe that it was because I was born on Saint Patricks day, or that I love Irish music/accent/people. In any case, after visiting in 2020, I couldn’t wait to return.
🍀 Ireland trip highlights
✈ visiting the lovely sister in Cork. My sister and I travelled together to Ireland in 2020 and it was only right for me to visit while she’s studying abroad again.
🚙 road trip- driving on the left side on the right side of the car Pt2. green, green everywhere. Ireland has the most beautiful shades of green in nature. Looking at the greens is my favorite thing to do while driving across the country.
🍟 eating curry chips at Jackie Lennox
✨ Gap of Dunloe in Killarney is my absolute favorite place in Ireland. We are driving through a deep valley with high green mountains on both sides. There are sheep walking around everywhere. It felt like we drove through a scene from the Shire!
🧱cool old looking rock walls and buildings. I love anything old and medieval looking. Ireland is just the place.
🎵 Irish trad music in pubs is a great place to experience Irish energy. Irish people are not afraid to throw down some old tunes and party to it! Also, there are a lot of classic American pop being played in Irish pubs!
Lowlights: We need to learn manual to rent a cheaper car. Lots of cold, cold wind and rain.
Have you been to Ireland? What is a special place in your heart to visit?
Good old backpack from Central America daysWorked at this lovely Cafe in CorkCute streets in Cork IrelandCute streets of Cork IrelandOur car rental for the road trip Gap of DunloeBreathtaking view of Gap of DunloeBeautiful waters of Gap of Dunloe, IrelandProof we were hereOpen roads of DunloeBeautiful views of Gap of Dunloe, IrelandGap of Dunloe, IrelandWalking through the streets of CorkWalking through the streets of CorkPub experienceMy travel bag for most of Europe 🙂Backpack BackpackCool looking rock wallSlept through our whole trip, but glad she was there.This is me on 90% of our shopping trips. #shoppedoutWorking while traveling
A moment of stillness amidst the chaos, a reminder of the beauty of change. This is a perfect time to write my first post in this new-old blog. Winter Solstice: the word “solstice” comes from the Latin words “sol” (sun) and “sistere” (to stand still). This is because the sun appears to stand still in the sky at the solstice.
Winter solstice is the shortest day of the year, marking the transition from autumn to winter. There are many different winter solstice traditions around the world.
Winter solstice is a time of year when many people feel introspective and reflective. The long nights and cold weather provide an opportunity to slow down and connect with ourselves and our loved ones.
How spend winter solstice:
Spend time with loved ones. Spend time talking, playing games, or simply enjoying each other’s company. Don’t take company for granted. Today, I read that relationships drift apart due to a lack of connection, and a big cause of disconnection is micro-rejection (credit to Jillian). It is the small stuff that adds up, like looking at your phone while talking to someone. Some people celebrate the solstice by lighting candles, burning incense, or giving gifts.
Reflections on the past year. Take some time to think about the things that have happened in the past year. What have you learned? What are you grateful for?
Set goals for the new year. The winter solstice is a time to start thinking about the future. What do you want to achieve in the new year? Wherever you are in your life journey, know that you can always start anew, in the new hour, in the new day, or in the new year!
Practice self-care. The long nights and cold weather can take a toll on our physical and mental health. Make sure to take some time for yourself to relax and recharge. Identify the things you do that makes you filled with joy and energy, and make time for it!
Get outside. The winter solstice is a time of year when many people feel spiritually connected to the Earth. Even though it’s cold outside, getting some fresh air can be beneficial for your health. Go for a walk, hike, or simply spend some time sitting in your backyard.
There are many different ways to celebrate the winter solstice. Find what works best for you and make it a time of reflection, renewal, and joy.
Where am I this year? I am stepping into my 30s era and am looking forward to it. This year has been an adventurous one with many milestones! We had travels to Vietnam, taking a first cruise with parent-in-laws, a road trip to multi-cities Canada, travels to various places in my new remote job, bought my first car (!), taking some serious thoughts to settling down with my husband, and learning to take it easy and appreciating moments.
No matter what spiritual journeys you are on, from darkness to dawn, take the time to enjoy the slow pace. Enjoy the stillness of the long nights. When the light comes up, enjoy the start of a new season, with hope and renewal.
Now that all my followers are probably gone from my blogging site, let me try to write again.
It’s been awhile. And I’m not really sure why, and I have no good reason for that either. There have been some things I have noticed since growing up (yes, I have considered myself growing up the past few years- and possibly peaking… but we’ll see).
I’ve been doing a lot of “soul searching”- to try to find myself and what I want and need to do. At one point, I wanted to launch into a full on website, which I found too stressful and the pressure left me with no creative energy to write. I guess you could compare that to when you work to do the things you love and end up hating it one day? That argument can go many ways, it’s just a feeling.
My last post is a year ago now. I could beat myself up for not keeping up with this, but I have also recently learned that I should be nicer to myself. How about I consider it as a conversation with my readers (if there are any)?
Some things I’ve been working on half-assed lately:
Writing a book- “Traveling for Introverts”… which is me in a nutshell. It’s been horrible, so I wouldn’t expect much. I did read Steven King’s memoir On Writing, to draw inspiration, and realize I’ll never be as good as him. So why try? … just kidding, I’ll try a bit.
Reading – to fulfill a contract I set up with my sister to be better this year. There’s more to the contract, which I’ll share later.
Learning code – something I used to enjoy, but suffered from indecision-itis… so I never pursued.
Probably no one read this. So… I’ll publish and get back to work.